Mistake 1: Forgetting The Intention Of (most) Coaches.

Every good tumbling or cheer coach I’ve met wants all their athletes to improve, kick ass at competitions, and live up to their highest potential. In fact, they want your kids to get that amazing tumbling pass and be on the higher level teams more than you do.

I’m not kidding.

So why are they still putting your little Suzy on a level 2 team? Why are the making her do even more round off drills when she can clearly already do a back handsprings?

In essence, why does it feel like they’re holding your child back?

Well the short answer is… they’re not. Most likely, they’re making sure that she gets her basics down solid so that when she becomes level 3,4,5 etc., she will live up to her potential. They’re doing this because they care.

Think about it: how would you feel if your boss gave away a high-level management position to someone who has no idea about the day to day operations of the office you work at?

Exactly.

When I travel the world and do clinics, I hear something like this all the time: “Man, I wish this mom knew how much I want her kid on my higher level team. I want her there more than the mom does… but if I move her kid up, I know she’ll get injured, crumble under the pressure and eventually lose the love for the sport. She really needs to spend another season or two at the lower levels before she’s ready.”

What you just read is a paraphrased comment that shows up every time I visit a gym around the World. To be honest, I’ve heard comments like that so many times that I feel like I’m walking around with headphones listening to a track set on repeat.

So instead of asking “why” your child isn’t competing at an XYZ level, start becoming proactive. Start asking “What can we do so that Suzy can compete at an XYZ level?”

I promise you that most coaches will take the time to sit down and chart out a game plan. They will show you exactly what your child needs to do in order to be considered for a higher level.

Why would they do this? Because coaches care. And at the end of the day, they want to win too!

Do you really think that when I coach someone a back handspring, it’s just a means to an end? That once they get it, my job is finished?

Hell no!

I coach back handsprings so that one day they can be seamlessly connected to tucks, layouts, fulls, double tucks… you name it! But this takes time, foresight and patience. You need to allow me that.

Plus, I have zero intentions of making my future job harder. In fact, coaching higher level tumbling should get easier if the time was taken to ensure the child’s fundamentals are solid.

So now that you’ve taken a sneak peek inside the mind of a coach, I’m going to reveal how the interaction you have with your child after practice can really make a massive difference in their confidence…

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Mistake 2: Asking The Wrong Questions

Do a quick exercise with me. (Don’t worry, it’ll only take 10 seconds.)

I want you to make a mental note of the question(s) you ask your child as soon as you pick them up from practice. If you can write these questions down, even better.

Whatever you do, be sure to come up with at least two or three questions that you ask before moving on.

Go ahead, I’ll wait.

..

..

Seriously, this is important. Don’t read ahead until you’ve got a few questions down.

..

..

Got it? Alright good.

Now compare your questions to the ones I listed below. Do you see any similarities?

• “Hi honey, how did practice go today?”
• “Hey sweetheart, how did your tumbling go? Did you do your passes?”
• “Hi darling, did you get that skill you’ve been working on?”
• “Hey Suzy, did you have fun at practice today?”

Now these might seem like perfectly reasonable questions for a parent to ask their child. In fact, I’m pretty sure that every parent that has ever lived has probably asked these types questions since organized sports were invented.

But within their innocence and good intentions lies deep psychological triggers which can end up creating mental blocks, plateaus and other issues that can affect performance.

For example, think about what’s really going on when you ask your child ‘how their tumbling went’?

On a subtle level, here’s what they’re getting from you:

1. Did it go good or bad? And if it went bad, why? Was it your fault? Were you not working hard enough? Are you not as good as the other kids?
2. Did you do your tumbling pass or kept getting scared? Did you listen to everything coach told you to do?
3. Did you get any new skills or tricks? Because we’re paying good money, and hearing about some results would be nice.
4. Are you are living up to my expectations? Because if not, we’re out!

It might seem like I’m being a little far-fetched, or you may think that’s not what you really mean when you’re asking such questions.

But trust me moms and dads, what you mean and what they perceive are two very different things. And the weight of these questions do add up. On top of that, the moment you give your child an avenue to be negative, they’ll choose it.

Not always, but if practice was particularly hard one night (as it should be) then there’s a high possibility that complaints are coming your way.

Humans love to vent. And we definitely love to focus on the negative. It’s so easy. Hell, it’s practically in our nature.

Don’t believe me? Just turn on the news at anytime, and you’ll see what I mean.

So if these are the “wrong” questions to ask, what should you be asking?

In short, you should be asking what I like to call positive one-way questions. Here are a few examples off the top of my head:

• “Hi honey, so what’s one thing you were you most proud of today?”
• “Hey kiddo, so tell me, what’s one new thing you learned today?”
• “Hi sweetheart, I just wanna know one thing: did you try your hardest in practice today?” (if it’s a no, you can dig further as to why, then emphasize that as long as they do their best, you’re happy because you know they’ll be great.)

You’ll notice that with these questions, your child is forced to pluck out what went right with their practice, not what went wrong.

Look, in competitive sports we coaches are already hard on our athletes. We have to be. Every skill your child needs to compete at the highest level comes from being pushed outside their comfort zone.

Resistance; whether in the gym or in life, is what builds strength and develops growth.

But if an athlete feels that when they go to the gym there are high expectations to be met (resistance), then when they get home there are even MORE high expectations to be met (more resistance), they’ll crack under that pressure.

Maybe not today or tomorrow. But at some point, they will. I’ve seen it all too often. So give them a mental break. Start asking positive one-way questions and direct their mind away from expectations and outcomes and instead, make it a habit to focus on personal effort and growth.

Seriously, who cares if they had a bad tumbling day? Everyone has them!

You show me someone who’s never had a bad tumbling day, and I’ll show you someone who can’t do a cartwheel to save their life.

The real question is, can your child extract valuable lessons from such a day, and are they proud of themselves for pushing through training even when it sucked?

If so, then success is inevitable.

Why?

Because it helps them build resilience; a key ingredient to success.

I don’t know of any athlete that didn’t get their back handspring, or tuck, or layout, or full when they simply refused to quit.

But I know plenty of athletes that quit and never got the skills they (and their parents) so desperately wanted them to get because everyone was too focused on the outcome instead of the process.

Now that you know the right questions to ask, it’s time to learn to learn how you can help you child take 100% ownership of their success.

While the next mistake isn’t as common as mistake #2, research has shown that its impact can be devastating down the road. You know, like when they’re all “grown up” and moved out of the house. That’s why I saved it for the end…

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